This was suppose to scare us from having sex, promote contraceptives. It did not work for me. I still had sex as a teenager, a lot of sex. I became a parent young, in my early 20's in college. I was scared to death of being a parent, after all it was going to last this horrid predicted, " lifetime". The word, "life time to an adolescent was a very dirty, almost "fighting word". There were no real classes that prepared young women or men to be parents. Sure, there were those young adult living classes that taught economics, cooking and how to care for a five pound bag of flower, now they have robot babies that have this annoying recorded cry. at least I was spared the pre-recorded torture cry. However, the concept of teaching young adults to one day be parents was not on the high priority list of the education system. There were millions of teenagers being told that parenting was a bad thing and lasted this awful lifetime. Many of my Generation X graduates went on to go to college and attain careers, not become wife and mothers; a far cry from our grandmothers ambitions of becoming wives and mothers.
Many of my close friends from high school are just now having children. They have their careers set or have tried and failed at the career thing. many are finding that the "life time" issue started to have a count down clock that no one cared to warn us about. the Biological clock starts ticking sometime within that "life time and it is not to be ignored.
I woke early to that biological clock. I was 24 and a sophomore in college. I had met an amazing man, 10 years older then me who was more then ready for a family. He had his house, career and now he wanted his wife and family. When I found out I was pregnant with my now 15 year old son, I freaked. I was scared to death. I was not ready. After all, I did not know what this "life time" sentence was going to bring. I had no clue how to be a mom. My own mother was to busy trying to find herself to really teach me how to be a mom myself one day. That said, I chose motherhood over careerism. and I have never looked back. Motherhood has been such a strange and wonderful adventure. In his infant years he was full of wonder and leaning his new surroundings. I was learning how to be a mom. He was learning how to be a person. In his young childhood, he was learning how to socialize and accommodate others outside his doting family, I was learning how to be reactive and asserting my place as a "helicopter mom". I made a lot of mistakes in his years from age 6 to age 10, but I also leaned how to be an advocate as well as a parent for boys with ADHD and other boyhood annoyances. I made it through those years as a mother and he made it through as the son. His dad was an amazing partner in all of this; I am one of the lucky ones, a mother with a father right there beside me raising our child as a team not as a separate corporate offices That said, I am almost done with the legal obligation part of parenthood. I will soon have the moral/ parental link and life long attachment obligation only. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed being his guardian along side his father. I have enjoyed advocating for him; he has even had to face the legal system for a curfew violation for which I quickly went to bat for him and helped with the process of defending him that is a whole other blog. Regardless, I developed a motto which I live by: " I defend him when he is wronged and disciplining him when he is in the wrong". I have indeed spent a life time raising this person and I have both enjoyed it and fantasized about the notion of being a Supreme Court Justice or Hollywood A Lister, instead. However, those paths were not ordained for me and I realize that my son needed me as his mother, it was just the way of the world. That said, I am ready to enjoy those "Golden years" with my husband. I have indeed earned them and I now understand the true meaning behind them. They are to be treasured, as they are a "golden" promise.
I am glad to nearly be done with this part of my life. My friend,on the other hand is just beginning the joys and horrors of parenthood. What the heck is she thinking! Why in the name that all is sacred would she want to begin her "golden years" as a new mom? why would she want to be throwing birthday parties and going on Halloween outings when she could be planning cruise trips and training for a marathon? Those are jsut two of the many things my fellow soon-to-be-empty nester moms are doing. Doesn't she realize that being a mom last a life time and her life time is not that long? Why would she want to waste her "golden years " on raising a family when the golden promise is that the children are raised by our age? I can understand a grandma taking over the kids because her now adult child is unfit to be a mom or dad, but to become a mother voluntarily. That i can excuse as a burdened obligation of parenthood. But what is she thinking having kids at her most prized age?
The other day I was visiting her and the two young children. I felt like a stranger in a strange land. My own son is now 15 and well on his way to independent manhood. My friend and I are approaching 40; that makes me well on my way to my Golden Years. I pondered back to my own teen years when 40 seemed ancient, my teachers were 40, my own mother and father were in their 40's. It was the age of Aquarius.
I realized that having my son in my early 20's was the wisest decision I had ever made. I was scared and unprepared but it was such a fantastic life time adventure. However, I would not do it over, no, sir, not for all the tea in China. I will be 40 soon and I will be that much closer to being free. It was not old age,nor an age to fear,It was going to be my glory days.
I watched my friend with her children, both under the age of 10 and I felt pity for her. She would be in her late 50's before she could realize this freedom that was so quickly approaching, I asked why she wanted to wait till now to have her kids? Why was she sacrificing those glory days? She simply said, she was ready and she wanted them now. She had achieved what she wanted to out of life and now motherhood was her aim.
In the end, it does not matter what I think. In the end, being a parent last a life time. It can start in your adolescent years for some and in their late 20's for others and for many in my Generation, in their late 30's. Parenthood does last a life time, but that is not a bad thing. It is not some prison sentence as the Public Service Announcement of the 1990's made it appear.It is an achievement. It is a goal. Whether you reach it in your late 40's or you are just starting to realize the goal, being a parent is a life time achievement and it in it self is the award.
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